Women Won’t Make You Happy
(and neither can men)
It’s our number one concern, isn’t it?
We think about it Every. Single. Day. Often at times when we should be focused on something completely different.
Our romantic and sexual relationships occupy such a big part of our thinking that sometimes you wonder why we’re not all going crazy already.
Then again maybe we are? See if you recognize any of these thoughts:
- Why isn’t she calling me back?!
- What should I say when I start the conversation?
- Why is she always picking the bad guys, when I’m right here?
- Should I be more of a bad guy with girls?
- How do I make things more sexual with this girl?
- What’s the best way to introduce a threesome to my partner?
- I really need to avoid those awkward silences!
- What clothes should I wear to that party?
- How should I move my body to have the most attractive body language?
- Is it best to call her, or should I text her first? What’s the best text?
- I can’t stand her flirting with other men. How do I set my boundaries?
- Which topics are the best for conversations on a first date?
It was way back in 2007 when I first started out learning how to meet and attract more women into my life. Since that I’ve been featured in magazines, spoken at international conferences – and even created my own which became the biggest conference in Europe on the topic of dating, relationships, sex and personal growth, the Morten Hake Summit.
Some people might be wondering: What drives a man to spend so much of his life studying and exploring these topics?
- Did I want more control of my relationships? Of course.
- Did I want more women in my life? Of course!
- Did I want to date women that I was really attracted to? You bet!
- Did I want to have amazing sex? Dohhh
- Did I want to avoid looking awkward and fucking up all the time? haha yeah!
- Did I want to make sure I didn’t get rejected? Yeah..
But underneath all these surface level reasons and justifications that all seem very reasonable, there lies one gigantic misunderstanding – that in essence was the source of all my frustrations, and even my ‘goals’ with women:
“Women is a source of my good emotions, general happiness and self-satisfaction in life.”
I didn’t see this underlying misunderstanding until a whole 7 years later, when Jamie Smart stepped on stage at the Summit, and spoke about the underlying source of all our problems with women and dating:
Think about that for a second…
- Why do we feel that clingy needy feeling when we’re around someone we really like?
- Why do we become insecure and don’t know what to say around the hot girl, when we have no problems talking with our friends?
- What is the source of jealousy and possessiveness in relationships, when we don’t even think about it with a girl who is our friend?
- How come we always seem to fuck it up when we’re in love, while when we’re dating it’s all good?
- And what the hell is it about girls flirting with us when we’re in a relationship, but as soon as we’re single they all fly away?
There is only one possibly fundamental thing that could cause all these problems: A simple misunderstanding of our source of emotions.
“Women and the results or outcomes I have with women, is connected to my happiness”
Or in a more general sense: “Happiness, fulfillment, self-assurance and other emotions comes from somewhere outside of myself (women, money, lifestyle)”
The same way it now seems completely absurd for us to smell flowers to avoid disease – none of these problems, constant over thinking or self-destructive patterns makes any sense once you deeply understand that women have nothing to do with your level happiness, self-satisfaction and well-being.
(Remember! We’re not talking intellectual understanding here check out this video for more on this: “I get it… But i don’t!”)
This is how implication based learning works. Once you understand these core principles of life, everything changes automatically. The best thing is… It’s not even a belief system. It’s a fundamental principle of life – and just like gravity is there whether you believe it or not – once you see this, you can’t ever go back.
Let’s give the keybord to my colleague Knut…
Returning to your Inner-Child with women, dating and relationships
The following is an interview I did with Morten and Jamie talking about a little thing I noticed from talking with Morten the past few months, and the incredible stories I heard from his life. This is a great example of how simply deepening your understanding of how things actually work, then starts showing up in your life without you even realizing it.
“Listen Knut, I get it… But what does it really matter?!”
I know! That’s exactly what I was asking Jamie Smart at the workshop in 2013!
“Jamie, I get it… But what does it really matter?”
What you’re gonna see in this next video with Jamie, is that there’s a BIG difference between getting something intellectually – and getting it on a deep profound level where it has an incredible impact on your life.
If you keep believing that smells cause disease, you’re gonna be spending all your time checking out the right type of flowers to smell – while your still doing surgery with a dirty knife.
If you believe the world is flat, you’re gonna spend weeks feeling anxious on the ship, creating massive anchors to keep you on the edge, and avoiding exploring areas of the world cause you don’t want to die.
If you believe you’re insecure thinking has anything to do with women, your personality, or your circumstances, you’re gonna be spending a lot of time trying to figure it all out, avoiding talking with attractive women, getting stuck in your head and sabotaging your own desires.
You’re gonna be chasing your own tail for years, not realizing its your own tail.
This might be the most important video in this post. Check it out:
My goal with this post was to give you some kind of insight into how one key misunderstanding throws your life into a frenzy of over thinking about women, dating and sex – that doesn’t really lead you anywhere. We do it all the time, getting stuck in our heads about something we don’t understand.
We go chasing personal development goals trying to “get somewhere other than where we are”, buying into the illusion of the journey.
That IF THIS happens, THEN THAT will be gained.
- If I get more confidence, then I will have more women in my life.
- If I have more women in my life, then I will feel more happy and more fulfilled.
- If I create a passive income, then I will be free. If I’m more free, then I will be more happy.
- If I become more productive, then I will get more done. If I get more done, then I will be more happy.
- If I achieve more discipline, then I will be more focused, and then I will feel better about myself.
- If I feel better about myself, then I will get more women.
The worst part? It all seems completely true! It seems logical, rational and self-evident. It seems like truth!
Yet everyone who’s ever gone hardcore into personal growth over a period of time will have to admit to this: As soon as you get from A to B, there’s always a C. As soon as you get to C, there’s always a D. And when you finally reach point Z in your personal growth – there’s a whole nother alphabet ready to be undertaken.
It’s an endless game you cannot win, because underneath it all lies one key misunderstanding about how life really works. And until you get that, nothing really matters It’s all upside down gentlemen, we just have to see it.
Until next time,
PS: If you’re resonating with this, you’re in the right place – but not for long. It’s just a few weeks left until Jamie Smarts Clarity Workshop in
June 2014 July 2015 in Oslo, where we’ll be going deep into the source of your emotions, the true power of clarity, and how to embody this new understanding into your life on a deeper level. It literally is the best workshop I’ve ever been to, and i know Morten will say the same. To find out more, check out: https://mortenhake.com/jamiesmart