Connection is already there

First of all, welcome to my new website! I am officially transitioning into all english as of now. English is not my mother tongue, so don’t expect perfect grammar or accent. The website might not be 100% ready as you read this, but I am so inspired that I can’t wait to release this article!

When you were a kid, do you remember how easily you connected with other kids?

I remember going to my moms jobs holiday party. And I didn’t know anyone there. Even though I had never met any of the other kids there, somehow between 5 and 20 minutes we were all best friends. Actually we were so close that we could start fighting, crying, competing and laughing so hard our bellies hurt – just like I would normally do with my sisters or best friends back home.

Morten Hake as a kid

Yes, that’s me wearing a bowl cut like a boss!

And it was so much fun! There was no thinking, no concerns or worries beyond the unfolding moment.

But somehow along the way, we were conditioned to think that there is something we need to figure out in order to create human connection.

For the last 7 years I’ve been on a journey to ‘become better with women’ – whatever that means.. I’ve both ‘succeeded’ and failed miserably and I’ve probably taken more action in that field than most. For the last four years I’ve been running one of the biggest annual conferences on sexuality, personal growth and dating in the world, the Morten Hake Summit.

Throughout my journey I’ve met literally thousands of frustrated men coming to us for advice on how to connect better with women. And in this article (and video), I am going to do my best to point towards my biggest and by far the most powerful insight I have ever had. After experiencing this insight on a deep level in my own life, I can tell you it has completely transformed all my relationships for the better.

Here goes… I realised that: connection is already there.

No shit, Sherlock…

“Well, duh” you might be saying.

And to be honest, that’s the exact reaction I had myself the first time I heard Jamie Smart saying it on stage on our own conference. But here’s the thing…

Follow me on this…

I didn’t get it at that time. I didn’t REALLY get it on a deeper level. Because if I really had a deep, broad understanding of that connection is already there – I would have never stressed about making connection ever again.

If I REALLY got it, it would not make sense within my new understanding to try to figure out how to make connection. See where I’m going?

So what do I mean when I say connection is already there? I mean that when you were born, you came with a primal connection to other people. You were MADE to connect automatically – from birth. So nature and your innate wisdom will take care of all the little small things you worry about when it come to connection – when you need it. See that’s the funny thing, your natural being is so powerful that it will always give you exactly what you need – at the exact time you need it.


Being human we live in our experience made of thought. We can only understand what’s within our understanding.

Since we essentially are thinking beings, we’ve also been fooled to believe that we can think or worry our way into that primal state of resourcefulness, wisdom, tranquility and happiness – which is not true. Don’t get me wrong, thinking is essential so we can experience life, but worrying will actually clutter up nature’s own way back to that primal state.

In other words, over-thinking and worrying will fill your head up with unusable thoughts that are imprisoning your primal resources. It’s when you let your thoughts be just what they are… thoughts – and not get caught in your worrying and false thinking – that your primal wisdom has space to unfold.

And when you let that happen, everything falls in place sooner or later.

“But Morten, I am worrying, and you’re telling me not to worry. So now I’m worrying that I will worry too much. So either way I’m screwed!”

See this is the trap. Worrying or not worrying is totally fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. There is also nothing wrong with being anxious, angry, shy, scared shitless or any other form of insecurity. Again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

It’s when you buy into the misunderstanding that you need to figure out (worry about, over-think about) how to get out of that feeling that you get stuck. The only difference between you as a happy kid, and you today, is the misunderstanding that you need to ‘work on it, and think on it’ to feel happy again.

Nathaniel Hawthorne has a great qoute…

“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly,”Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

It’s when you falsely believe that there is something wrong with whatever emotions you feel – that you get stuck in negative patterns because you start pursuing – which again there is also nothing wrong with 😉

Confused yet? Good.

So what I’m I saying then…?

Letting your mind do it’s thing without you interfering all the time is what is going to eventually send you back to that primal state of awesomeness. The flow state. You know what state I’m talking about. I’m talking about those times when things just seem to work perfectly and effortlessly. That time when you just automatically had that amazing connection with that girl (or guy), and you never did anything to make that happen. It just happened. Connection was already there.

Like when you were a little kid. You rarely got stuck in worrying about worrying and stayed there for days. You were happy, then mad, then happy then sad, then curious, then afraid, then confident, then concentrated, then happy again – all in one hour!  That’s your primal state that you were given once you were shot out of your mothers vagina into this 3D experience!  hahaha



PS. This article is a tiny  part of the HUGE breakthrough I had at the first workshop I arranged with Jamie Smart. The breakthrough that changed everything in my life. And in June 2014, July 2015 we are doing another workshop in Oslo, Norway! Click here to read all about it.

Morten Hake

Mental Health Coach and Freedom Facilitator Morten Hake is for many known as the most sought after mental health coach for young people struggling with confidence, insecurity, and worry. He's passionate about motivating people to see their true potential and when he's not busy recording podcasts, making films or traveling, he's probably enjoying the stage whether it's a dancefloor or doing keynote speeches at a lifestyle creation event.

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